tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5784517511291826358.post2004774391082369477..comments2021-02-12T21:16:27.932-08:00Comments on Finding The Man: What Happened to Male Friendships?Daniel Caldwellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17802585240109400860noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5784517511291826358.post-36431275327025171952011-10-03T22:05:22.749-07:002011-10-03T22:05:22.749-07:00I am currently reading a book by Niobe Way entitle...I am currently reading a book by Niobe Way entitled, "Deep Secrets: Boys' Friendships and the Crisis of Connection." One subject the book tackles are the reasons why boys (and men) seem to lose a closeness as they grow up--they lose a closeness with other males. She points the finger at our misogynic and homophobic contemporary American culture:<br /><br />"Masculinity, as a social construction, is ne that poses as the antithesis of anything that is associated with being female (i.e., emotional, physically weak, and dependent). Thus the definition of manhood is what is NOT female, and beginning in the late twentieth century, what is not gay. In other words...homophobia as well as misogyny are at the root of mainstream or 'hegemonic' masculinity."<br /><br />She goes on to say: "...Western societies systematically restrict boys 'access to affectionate physical contact, especially with other boys--or such contact is sexualized and forbidden. They are discouraged from the expression of grief and upset through tears, and encouraged to suppress emotions (except anger) and to ignore physical and emotional pain.' In essence, being a man means not being a stereotypic woman, or in cultures such as the United States, gay person." <br /><br />If this isn't an accurate description of how "manhood" is depicted in contemporary American culture, I don't know what is.<br /><br />The other day I was on a brief train ride with a good buddy of mine. As we were on the train, I had my arm around his shoulder and his head was leaning on my arm. Although it felt good and right to me and was an expression from me to him of my love for him and our friendship, I have to admit to wondering (in the back of my mind) what other people might "think." <br /><br />Heaven forbid two men love each other as brothers (as the Biblical David & Jonathan) and express it in this sick culture we live in. Someone once told me, "Be the change you want to see." So, in my own way, I am.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5784517511291826358.post-53859850729837129152011-09-08T16:19:21.181-07:002011-09-08T16:19:21.181-07:00When I was a foreign exchange student in the Phili...When I was a foreign exchange student in the Philippines, you would not see heterosexual public displays of affection, such as hand-holding. HOWEVER it was quite common to see males walking down the street holding hands with other male friends, and girlfriends holding hands in friendship, too. I like this a lot, and miss it in the US!Melaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00714632222914956406noreply@blogger.com